Shooting Stars
by Vanidades
Summary: Eiri's been absent for 3 months, and now he's coming back... R&R!
1. Shooting Stars

This fic is inspired by current situations happening to me, and it's also written on Shuichi's POV.

* * *

It's been three months since I last talked to you… Three long months of waking up to a cold right side of the bed, an empty coffee mug set besides the coffee maker, unshared strawberry cheesecakes with whipped cream, not so useless ashtrays and countless cans of beers in the fridge.

I haven't moved anything, let alone thrown away anything that reminds me of you out of this house. For some reason I just can't seem to have enough courage to get rid of anything.

I think of you often, even though I haven't written letters to you. I wanted to write, but I'm tired of chasing after you, and now I wonder if since I haven't written to you, you would look for me when you get back to town in two more weeks.

The anxiety is killing me. I don't know if I should see you, or look for you, and there's this voice in the back of my head that tells me you won't look for me, either way. I guess you'd either be scared to see how I'm doing ever since you left just because, or your ego might not let you look for me, as always. I bet you have one of those attitudes of 'I won't look for you but I won't avoid you, either.'

Sometimes I find myself wishing that I could see you, some other times I have found myself just praying and wishing you're alright… and then on other times I just talk to God, and I tell him to let it be whatever he wants. That if he places you in my way or even if he doesn't he must have his reasons… But that's just my wishful thinking. God doesn't put you in my way or takes you out of it, those are things I have to do by myself, but I'm so torn I don't even know what I want for myself.

I go to bed with the thought of you, and sometimes I also wake up with the thought of you, I even picked up on the nasty smoking habit, it's the only thing that reminds me of your bitter kisses.

For the past weeks, before I realized that you were coming back, I didn't think of you as often, it was just on nights in which my friends would describe me as being hormonal. Back then I would only pray for you to be happy and to do good… but now I pray so that I may see you, even though reality is it might not happen.

Things aren't what I would expect them to be… or maybe what I wanted them to be. They didn't really work out, I can't really do what I had planned, but you don't have to know that.

A few days ago I went to visit your 'brother' and best friend… he told me you had asked for me in one of your letters and I got so upset that I told him to tell you nothing, to not let you know how I was doing… Or better yet, to lie; to say I was gone, and I never let him know, that I ran away, or that I went back home, or something, just something. Some stupid lie. Anything.

I cried… I cried in front of him, admitting to my flaws, wondering why didn't you love me the way you should have and why you still love that first love of yours, which only made you hurt in the worst of ways. Why did you discard me with no closure whatsoever, and just let me hanging by a thread.

I cried thinking of the little good times we spent together.

I cried everytime he gave me a reason to hate you but I always ended up telling him that I just loved you.

I cried, because even though things weren't what most people would consider a 'love story' or a 'fairytale', because even though things weren't what most people would consider being in love, to me it was more than being in love.

I cried because in 22 years of existence, I had never loved anyone (besides my family members) because of their flaws and liked them because of their virtues.

I cried because, overall, I feel stupid.

I cried because I miss you, but you don't know that.

I cried because I still hope for you, but you don't care.

I cried because I still love you, and you have no idea of how much.

But then I smiled…

I smiled because I am still in love with you, and I know you and I, both, still wonder why.

And that's what matters… not the tears I've shed for you, or the pain I've put myself through, or any of that shit.

What matters is that I still love you and I miss you… And that's something that hasn't changed in 3 years. Not even after all the shit we've been through.

And if I could use a wish right now… I would wish for you to crawl back into my bed and hold me. Yes, I'm still being that corny and hopeless romantic you so hated to love but loved to hate.

You were my tragedy of epic proportions.

* * *

I might update it later on, I might not. Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Ashes and Wine

Hi there, darlings. It seems I'll be updating frequently... for now, ha!

Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Ashes and Wine**

**

* * *

**

Today I went out with the guys. We decided to go to Suguru's place and watch movies, drink some wine and talk about life.

The night was still young, it was only about ten of clock when I got that phone call from K.

"Hello there, Shuichi."

"Hi, K…" I said nonchalantly as I could almost hear the grin in the man's face.

"This Monday, I need you to be ready. There's a huge NG party and the main two bands will be Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck. You'll be doing a duet with Ryu and ASK will be opening for both bands."

"This sounds more like a mash-up, if you ask me." I said as Hiro poured down some more wine and offered me a cigarette.

"Kind of—But I'm still not done, there's also an after-party you will need to stay at, it starts at 7:30 --," I heard him pause, as if to listening to the noises we were making, "Who are you with and what are you guys up to?" He asked with fatherly intuition, knowing there was more than just one person here with me.

"We're watching movies over at Suguru's… Just Hiro, Suguru and me."

"Oh, that's cute." He said with a mockingly tone, since he's never known us to be doing this kind of thing.

"Yeah, whatever…" I said rolling my eyes and lighting up my cigarette. "So, you were saying?" I said as I exhaled the smoke.

"Shuichi… Well, as I was saying, I need you to be ready. I need you to practice everyday but not over exhaust yourself. By the way, how have you been doing on those yoga classes of yours? Have they taught you how to control your emotions a bit?"

"Very funny, K."

"No, seriously, this is no joking matter."

"… Yeah, I've picked up a few tricks to keep myself under control." I said as I took another drag of my cigarette.

"Good, you're gonna need to put those to work on Monday."

"What do you mean?"

"Eiri's going to be at the party and I need you to avoid any kind of drama that evening. He gets here tomorrow and he'll only be here for a week, so I need you to keep yourself at your best behavior. I don't care if that means that you two will kiss and make up or tear each other up to shreds, but nothing in front of the press."

" … Got it…" I said as I chugged my whole glass of wine. Hiro and Suguru eyed me with suspicion.

"Well, that'd be all for tonight. You guys have fun doing whatever it is you're doing and don't do anything I would do."

"Yes, daddy." I said nonchalantly once more, my mind still trying to register what he just told me.

"Good night!" my American manager yelled loud enough for the other two whom I was sharing a room with would hear and with that he hung up the phone.

I got up from the sofa and poured some more wine on my glass, walking to the balcony and closing the door behind me. I stood by the railings, leaning my arms on it and taking a deep breath, staring at the sleepless Tokyo night.

Lights everywhere, some red, some yellow, some green… brightness everywhere, another drag at my cigarette.

Lights and smoke; another sip of wine.

Open doors, another drag at my cigarette and if it weren't for the noise of Tokyo nights I would be driving myself insane at the noise of my own thoughts.

"Yo." I hear a cool voice speak up, big arms rest next to mine and brown long hair flows wild.

"Hey… Sorry for walking out like that."

"Yeah, what was that all about?" He says cooly as he lights up a cigarette for himself and now another set of arms rest by my other side.

"Rude much?" I look to my right side and I see the blue eyes' owner grinning back at me.

"Ha, look who's talking," I said as I couldn't help but to smile at both of them. Ever since Eiri left they have been there for me, picking me up everytime I fall, giving me a reason to smile.

Hiro's the one who keeps me grounded. He's like my gravity field, while Suguru is the one who still has hope for a future with me and Eiri… he says that, and this is going to sound corny, we're meant to be. He still tells me how much he could see the love in Eiri's face whenever he would drop by Tohma's and they would get into their heated up arguments. Of course, I don't believe a word he says, but I'm glad to know he's the one who has hope for me when I have none.

"So, what did K have to say?" Hiro asked with unknown curiosity.

"We have a gig this Monday, with Nittle Grasper. ASK is opening for us."

"Another Nittle Grasper-Bad Luck mash up?" Suguru asked with a gesture that was a mix of a frown and a pout.

"Sounds like it…" I said as I turned around and took a final drag at my cigarette, putting it down in the ashtray. "He said something about a 'big NG party.'"

"Oh joy…" The green haired kid said with fake enthusiasm.

"There's also an after-party."

"Ever better!"

I felt myself chuckle. "And… Eiri's gonna be there."

Silence. Aside from the noise in the busy Tokyo's streets, silence, awkward silence came from the people I was with.

"Come on, guys, it won't be that bad." I said with a smile on my face.

"Well, if you say so… Let's go back to the movie. My popcorn is going to go stale." Suguru said as he was the first one to walk inside.

"Shu… Are you sure about this? You don't have to go if you don't want to."

"Hiro, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine with this. I need to show him that I will no longer avoid him, but I also have to show myself that I can fight these feeling… The urge to call him at nights, or text him, even send him and email saying that I would like to see him and set things right. This will also help me to decide if it's time I let go of these feelings and move on with life, or show me if there's a reason for me to keep on waiting while he figures his shit out."

"Well… There's nothing I can do to change your mind, so just know that Suguru and I will be here to catch you if you fall again."

I smile, wholeheartedly, to my best friend and raised my glass of wine, "Cheers to that!" I said as I laughed and took another sip of wine. "This is going to be one long weekend."

"No lie."

And with that we both walked inside of the apartment, taking our respective places on the couch and finishing the movie we were watching, later on talking about life and falling asleep… or what I thought was sleep, because it turned out to be a restless slumber party.

'_This will be a long, but very long weekend._' I thought to myself as my head rested on the sofa and my eyes scanned the ceiling.


	3. Interlude

Hello again!~ Here I leave you with the new chap. Enjoy!

**

* * *

Chapter 3: Prelude

* * *

**

"Hey, wake up sleepy head." I heard a harsh voice calling me and a soft nudge to my shoulder as I rolled over to my side and my eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the brightness of the place.

"Ugh… What time is it?" I asked hoarsely as brown eyes smiled at me.

"It's eight in the morning. Get up. We're getting breakfast." Hiro said as he got up from the couch and stretched his lean body. "Suguru's getting ready already, so why don't you get your cute self up and brush your teeth so that we can go?"

I scanned the house, it was clean… except from the ashtray and the wine bottles from last night. "I don't want to get up…" I said as I put the covers over my head. "I didn't really sleep last night."

"Yeah, I can see that from the dark circles around your eyes."

"Just get me something, by the time you guys come back I should be able to wake up fully." I said as I just stayed in the sofa, basking in it's comfort.

"It'd be better if you go with us." Suguru said as he slipped inside of a long sleeve shirt.

"It'd be better for me if I stay asleep." I said with a smile on my face, "I think I drank a bit too much last night."

"Ha. Tell me about it. You were talking about chickens and chocking on popcorn."

"Oh God, shut up." I said as I smiled but cringed at the talk of our incoherent conversations last night. "Just go get me pancakes… with whipped cream and strawberries… Some scrambled eggs with cheese and a side of bacon… Oh, and a pack of black cigarettes."

"Alright. Anything else?" Suguru said as he mentally checked he got everything.

"Umm… a big cup of hot Colombian coffee." I added as they both nodded at the same time.

"Well, we're out, we should be back in a few minutes."

And with that the door opened and closed… silence filled the house and I passed out once again.

After what felt like an eternity but was only an hour the door to the apartment flew open and with it flew my sleepiness. Hiro walked in smiling and placed the food containers on top of the table while Suguru carried the drinks.

"Here it is, your highness." Hiro said as he handed me a pack of cigarettes. "They're already packed." He added with a wink.

"You're awesome." I said as I opened it and took one out.

"Shuichi… you really shouldn't smoke on an empty stomach."

"Yes, daddy. Let's eat!" I said with enthusiasm as they both nodded and we sat down on the floor to eat.

After sharing our food and cracking jokes about last night's hilarious nonsense, Hiro and I grabbed our mugs of coffee and stepped outside to smoke as Suguru took care of the trash we had piled up on the table… We offered help but as understandable as he is, he begged us to go outside and get our nicotine fix, for he knew we couldn't function too well without it.

"I need to quit this…" I said as I exhaled smoke from my lungs casually.

"Yes you do… or at least tone it down a bit."

"Well, it's kind of soothing, I have to admit. But I guess I could work with one daily… with my coffee or hot chocolate." I added with a grin as Hiro just chuckled and shook his head.

"Just 2 more days, Shu."

"Yeah… just 2 more days." I said as I took another drag at my cigarette. "Has he gotten in contact with you or Suguru?" I asked curiously as Hiro just nodded, "So? Did he ask how I was doing?"

"Not at all… It was just a short and casual talk… we ran into him this morning, he was with Tatsuha, I guess they were on their way to Tohma's or on a beer run, you know how they are."

"True…" I said as I took a sip from my coffee mug, relaxing a bit. I had to admit that now, more than ever, I understood why Yuki was so damn addicted to these things. They're like the perfect lullaby for a baby who's fighting his sleep.

"So… plans for today?"

"Well, I have to go check the mail and solve some issues over the damn phone… also check in with my family before they go nuts, I haven't talked to them in almost a whole week. They might be thinking I got married or went suicidal." I added a laugh at the end of the sentence as Hiro laughed with me, he knew exactly the kind of talk I would be having with my family today.

Suguru came to the balcony's door and slid it open. "Shuichi… Your phone. It' your mom."

"Ah, speak of the devil…" I said as I put my ear to the speaker, "Hi ma."

"Darling! How are you? Why haven't you called?" My mom asked with a sweet tone, yet worry still somehow pouring out of her voice.

"I've just been busy, ma. How are things over there?"

"Couldn't be better… Your sister's off at some baby shower and your cousins are over here helping me cook…"

"The end of the world is nigh." I said as I took another sip of my coffee and a drag at my cigarette.

"I know, right?" My mom added with a chuckle.

"Hiro says hi, mom."

"Oh, Hiro! Tell him I send my regards! I miss you two!"

"I know ma… I know…"

"I thought you hadn't called because Mr. Yuki was back and took you away," my mom said laughing as I smiled and looked down to the pedestrians infesting Tokyo's streets this morning.

"No, mom… He is back, but I haven't seen him, let alone talked to the man." Another sip followed by a hit of the cigarette.

"Well, son, if you do see him… let him look for you. Don't go chasing pavements, you hear? Make him learn your place in his life and not his on yours."

"I don't think I'll be talking to him at all, ma… I don't even know what I want right now."

"You say that now because you haven't seen him… once you see him everything will fall in place."

My mom always knew what to say to play with my mind… and also to jinx me. The damn woman, oh but I love her so.

"AND! Most importantly, don't break him a piece of ass… Make him work for it."

"MA!" I yelled as I couldn't help but to laugh at her remark.

"What? It's true!"

"Alright, alright…" I said between laughs.

"Your cousins say happy early birthday."

"Thanks… Hey, ma, I have to go now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" I said trying to cut off short the conversation.

"Alright, check your ma mil tomorrow, you should be getting a little something something from me and your sister. If you get it, call me and let me know if you like it."

"Ok, ma. Have a good day."

"I love you!" She yelled as I just smiled and nodded.

"Bye, ma." And with that I was done.

"Let me guess…" Hiro said quirking an eyebrow and tapping his chin, "No piece of ass lecture?"

To this I just smiled and took the last hit from my cigarette, putting it off on the ashtray.

"Hiro… sometimes I hate you both."

"Ha… Your mom's awesome."

"But she's right…"

And damn how I hate to admit how right and spot on the woman is…

"Let's just hope she didn't jinx you this time."

"Ugh, I know… Come on, let's go shopping, I'm bored."

And with that I was off with both of my band mates and friends… Some shopping would definitely do me some good today. Yup. Definitely, there's no mind fuck or heartache a credit card can't temporarily fix.


End file.
